Many thanks to Parkland Life Magazine for permission to reprint this article from my Child and Parenting column.
The mom and dad
sounded exasperated. They had planned an
amazing vacation for their family.
Instead of the laughter, exploring and adventure they had envisioned, it
had turned out to be a trip riddled with complaining, fighting and hostility. Their
children had all claimed to be miserable. The parents wondered what they could do to
have a fun, peaceful vacation the next time.
Here are some suggestions for creating a vacation that has the buy in of
everyone in your family so that you maximize the cooperation and minimize the
hostility.
Recall your favorite vacations as a child. What made them special for
you? As a child, I enjoyed camping in
the mountains with my family. One of my
favorite memories is of my little brother and me building our own
campfire. Looking back on the two of us
collecting twigs, learning how to stack the wood, and lighting our own fire, I
see how it fulfilled all of our six needs – to feel special, to feel powerful,
to experiment and explore, to feel valuable, to belong and to feel loved. Plus, it was fun! Check out how your children can get these
needs met on your family vacation.
One trip I did
not enjoy was to Carlsbad Caverns. It
was an amazing place, and the walk was so long in the cold dark cavern that my
legs ached horribly. It is important
when planning vacations, particularly with young children, to keep in mind
everyone’s physical capabilities. The
luster falls off the enjoyment of a trip when your body aches or you are tired
from too much exertion.
Recalling your
favorite childhood vacations will keep you in tune to what makes you happy and
will rev up your empathy for your children’s enjoyment, too.
Plan down time. We may be
tempted to use every waking moment on vacation to be on the go. This can be over-whelming and
over-stimulating. Activities are
exciting. Over-scheduling can be
exhausting. Know your family members and
their limitations.
One of the
things I loved about our camping trips was the time to rest whenever I felt
like it and wander around in nature freely. It is terrific to allow unstructured free time
for your children to create their own activities and be responsible for their
own “boredom.” Everyone in the family
can use this time to recharge their batteries and get back in balance. Down time is a terrific mood enhancer!
Respect each child’s interests. Every child is different. Remember the six needs and in particular, the
need to feel special or unique? When we
respect our child’s interests, we foster that feeling of uniqueness. We want to
both support our child’s interests and inspire him to experience new
things. When on vacation, there may be
activities that one of your children doesn’t wish to do or isn’t interested
in. Side-step the power struggles by
allowing him to opt out or to find an interest in the activity that may not
initially be recognized. For instance,
if he has an interest in photography and not such a keen interest in hiking,
ask if he will be the vacation photographer and turn the hike into a moving
photo shoot.
Have a family planning session. This is the core of a successful
family vacation. Think back to our
six needs. Children will feel valuable
and powerful if their ideas are encouraged and heard. Hold a family meeting to involve everyone in
the planning of your vacation.
Brainstorm places to go and things to do. Once your destination is
decided, have your children research things they wish to do there, and honor
their choices. Have your older children
make the plane, car and hotel reservations.
Your children will inspire you!
