Monday, December 26, 2011

Bring in the New

This is posted with the kind permission of Viva Magazine.  
The article appears in my column in the January, 2012 issue.

There is something revitalizing about a New Year.  It implies freshness, new energy and being up-to-date in the face of the wilted, fatigued and dated previous year.  The New Year is a great time to check out ways to re-energize your family.  Here are a few suggestions to recharge in 2012:

Schedule time together.  Even with great intentions to spend time together as a family, unless planned – actually written on a schedule – those precious moments together may not happen.  Everyone gets caught up in their own busy lives and other things take precedence.  So gather your family together and ask everyone for a list of their favorite things to do.  Then plan a year of weekly or monthly activities that include everyone’s suggestions.  It could be ice skating or roller skating, reading,  swimming, riding bikes or having a picnic.  It could be as simple as a walk around the block after dinner.  You will cherish the memories you create from these times together.         

Have an electronics-free weekend.  Schedule one weekend or one day per month free of electronic devices.  Discuss ahead of time what you plan to do instead of watching television, playing video games or listening to music on headphones.  If you hear “Mom, I’m bored!” ask your child “What are you going to do so that you are no longer bored?”  His boredom is his responsibility and the time for him to be creative.  Coordinate your electronics-free weekend with your scheduled family time activities.  Invite friends over to play board games or softball.  Cook together.  At the end of the weekend, talk about how you feel.  Are you more rested, more connected and more relaxed?

Let your children do more around the house.  With each New Year, increase the number of opportunities for your child to be helpful around the house.  Talk about what he would like to do and what you would like him to do.  Show gratitude for his contributions.  Maintaining the balance between a child’s power and his responsibility is what eliminates resentments and prevents entitlement issues.

I wish all the best for you and your family in 2012.  May you feel re-energized!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Helping Children Through the Holidays After the Divorce

What I love most about Rosalind Sedacca's articles is her clear intention to assist parents in providing a deep experience of love for their children.  Thanks for another terrific post, Rosalind!

by Rosalind Sedacca

When Mom and Dad divorce their children are faced with many life changes. As loving and concerned parents we try to minimize the pain and reduce the chaos brought about by new routines and schedules. We also try to focus on making this new chapter in life as positive and supportive as possible for everyone in the family.

One of the toughest transitions for children is often coping with the first holiday season. Our challenge as parents is to create new traditions and activities that can replace the memories of family holidays in the past. Here are some suggestions on how to help your children through the holiday season in the best possible spirits.

Show compassion:
Talk to your children about the holidays. Listen, rather than lecture, and let them vent about their feelings, regrets and frustrations.  Acknowledge what they are expressing to you and be understanding. Be aware that some children will hold their feelings in so as not to protect you. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about their sadness as well as apprehension about what they will experience this year.
Remind your children that what they are feeling is natural and normal. Be there for them with reassurance and hugs. Also let them know that some activities will still be part of their holiday celebrations so they understand that much of life continues in the same way, despite divorce.

Model Responsible Behavior With Your Ex:
Studies show that children whose divorced parents get along with one another adapt much easier to the divorce.  So talk to your ex about giving your children a happy holiday season in every possible way. If you can both spend some family time together with the children, without discord, they will appreciate your efforts.  If you can’t, at least strive to make the drop-off experience peaceful and harmonious.  Never bad-mouth your ex to the children, make them your messenger or have them spy for you at their other parent’s home. Model your best, most respectful and mature interactions with your ex in front of your children so they can enjoy their childhood, especially at this time of year.

Start Creating Wonderful New Memories:
This year will lay the foundation for many holidays to come. So think about new ways to celebrate, new places to visit, new foods to prepare. By creating a fresh set of traditions you will give your children something to look forward to. By replacing old memories with the new, you can make the holidays special again for them. And if they do the same in their other parent’s home, they can enjoy an even fuller experience of celebrating the holidays.

By acknowledging your children’s feelings with compassion while offering them new options for keeping the holidays special, you are giving your children an important gift: the love and support they need to overcome the challenges of being a child of divorce.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For Rosalind’s free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right, plus Rosalind's free ezine and other resources for parents, visit

 © Rosalind Sedacca   All rights reserved.