by Amy Williams
“Mom, what’s the difference between a glass that’s half full
and one that’s half empty?”
My youngest child and I were cruising home in the afternoon
traffic when this question came out of nowhere. I turned down the radio and
contemplated his question as I slowed to a stop at a red light. Finally, I
explained that it boils down to the perspective of the person holding the
glass. This is actually an important concept, because a lot of heated issues
are fueled by people’s viewpoint of a subject.
It’s all about perspective.
Take for instance, the divide between parents when we bring up
the topic of cell phone monitoring. One faction believes whole heartedly this
practice is spying and considers it a severe invasion of a teen’s privacy.
While parents on the other side feel they are champions for their child’s
safety.
This leaves us to question, “Is it right to invade a child’s
privacy, even if it means protecting them from dangers in the digital
age?”
A Child’s Need For Privacy
It may come to a shock for many parents, but our children do need private time in their lives.
For each stage of development the privacy requirements are different, but
experts in child development advocate that young teens need solitude and their
own space to help cement their self-identity. As a child transitions into
adulthood, their bodies are seized with hormones, emotions, and the desire to
find where they fit in on this big planet.
Privacy is crucial in this process, because it allows children
to separate from their parents and seek their autonomy. Alone time allows
adolescents an opportunity to ponder life’s big questions, figure out their
goals, develop their beliefs, while making sense of their emotions.
For teens in particular, this desire to retreat can lead
parents to question what activities their son or daughter is taking part in.
Like it or not, we are raising digital natives who have developed a strong
reliance on technology. This love of social media and all things digital has
led many teens to open themselves up to a new world with adult content away
from a parent’s watchful eye.
The Need For Online Awareness
This increasing need for privacy often leaves parents
scrambling for information about their child’s activities. Parents need to keep
open the lines of communication, but understand that teens are individuating
and need the alone time. A teen’s withdrawing from mom and dad can debilitate
open communication lines, which cause parents to seek information about their
child by different means. Children need to understand parents don’t have
overactive imaginations and do have a reason to be concerned when it comes to
their teen’s online conduct.
Here are five
legitimate safety concerns children face online everyday:
● Sexting, even if
it is consensual, can lead to serious legal consequences. These can range from
one or more of the following: being categorized as a felon, charged with
distributing or possessing child pornography, and requiring to register as a
sex offender.
● Social media
sites have the potential to increase a child’s exposure to predators and
strangers. Many anonymous apps use geographic location to pair up
strangers or sort them into groups.
Six Strategies To Keep Children Safe And Respect
Privacy
It’s easy for parents to read the statistics and begin to
panic in fear. However, we need to realize that technology can provide great
learning opportunities to teach self-management and personal growth. We need to
retool our process of reacting to situations and begin looking for ways to
embrace technology rather than be afraid.
Listed below are six
methods to empower teens with the cyber skills needed to thrive in our
technological society while respecting a child’s need for privacy:
● Start social
media etiquette when a child is young and grow on this foundation. If you
wait until there is a problem, you are too late! A good rule of thumb is to
only post items Grandma would be comfortable stumbling across. It is called
SOCIAL media for a reason and anything they post is never truly private.
● Inform a child
about the possible reasons to be alert with their favorite apps. Awareness
will help children develop skills to avoid common pitfalls like security or
tracking settings.
● Strive to create
open communication that doesn’t include blaming, shaming, or lecturing. Be
honest and encourage teens to share his or her concerns. Focus on listening and
being there for support.
● It sounds
simple, but follow a site’s recommendations for age guidelines. A lot of
trouble stems from children who are not mature enough to handle the
responsibility of social media.
● Restrict devices
to common living areas and limit data plans. One study found that the greatest deterrent to sexting
wasn’t parental monitoring, but limiting the amount of data available to teens.
Everything in moderation, right?
● Introduce the privilege of using social
media slowly and in line with a child’s level of responsibility as a child
shows mature judgment skills. This will avoid the need to snoop through
emails, texts, and stalk Facebook pages while still allowing age appropriate
access to learn social media skills. Many parents develop a social media contract to help with this
process.
Privacy is more than slammed bedroom doors or hidden diaries,
it is an essential part of children becoming their own person. This allows them
the chance to reflect on the person they are becoming. As much as parents don’t
want to admit it, this need for privacy is signalling emotional and social
maturation.
Even with technology thrown into the mix, online dangers are
only a matter of perspective and can be used to encourage life lessons
ultimately setting a child up for future success.
Amy Williams is a free-lance journalist based
in Southern California and mother of two. As a parent, she enjoys spreading the
word on positive parenting techniques in the digital age and raising awareness
on issues like cyberbullying and online safety.
