In counting down the 2011 Parent’s Top Ten List, which is available here, we are discussing numbers 6 and 7 on the list:
6. Repair mistakes and upsets in your relationships
7. Teach your children to repair mistakes and upsets in their relationships
We all make mistakes in our relationships. We all experience upsets. You may be angry with your spouse or irritated with your child or hurt by your own mom or dad. You may have blurted out something that you regret saying. You may have failed to follow through on an agreement. Upsets in relationships can be a debit from your emotional bank account with someone. They create distance and a disconnect. (For more on emotional bank accounts, see the post Share Your Love Language)
Repairing the relationship can restore your balance in your emotional bank account. Repairing a mistake can restore integrity. How do you repair a mistake or upset? Here are some guidelines:
• Talk about the issue when both of you are calm
• Ask permission to talk about it with the other person
• Be willing to admit a mistake
• Know how you would like to handle the issue differently if there is a next time
• Discover your part in the upset
• Talk about how you feel
• Ask the other person how he feels
• Ask the other person what you can do to make it up to them
• A make up can be a foot massage for your spouse, taking care of a young child for an hour or two so that she can have a break, fixing a favorite meal or dessert or watching a movie together on television.
One of the most valuable ways for children to learn how to repair disconnects in relationships is to see their parents repairing their own mistakes and upsets. As they watch you repair relationships, they will do it, too.
To hear this as a podcast, click here.
The Freedom To Be Course – happening in Pembroke Pines February 11-13 – will assist you in getting comfortable with your mistakes and learning from them. There is also a tool for diffusing conflict and creating empathy. Click here for more on Freedom to Be
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